Anxiety.

I will be the first to admit that I have it. Not the “ha ha, she’s weird and a little nervous” type of anxiety, but the type where people suggest that you start considering medication. Yes, I am “one of those”. I am one of the people who can start obsessing whether or not other people are using the laundry room at the same time I want to use it, I will break a sweat wondering what kind of parking is offered at my destination, because I haven’t mastered parallel parking, I even start worrying 10-80 years into the future.

Today my mom was ready to kill me in the kitchen, because I started worrying asking questions like:

“What if I turn into a crazy dog lady?”

“What if I die alone?”

“What if I live til I’m 90?”

“Where am I going to live after I graduate?”

“That is so far in the future, worry about now,” she tells me, but it isn’t that simple; my brain gets fixated on things so easily.

When I admitted to my parents that I was taking anti-anxiety medication, my dad insisted that my weakness was due to a lack of faith. I grew up Christian, and my parents put all of their faith in knowing that God will take care of them no matter what. I would like to point out at this time that my parents are a good 40+ years older than I am so they have had an abundance of years to figure this out. I am a barely 20 something year old who cannot stop wondering whether or not things will fall into place, hoping that the results won’t make me miserable.  My parents amaze me, because I don’t know how to hand over full control to God, or the powers that be, or the universe, or whatever you choose to call it.

Whatever is to happen in the future, I just hope that I end up in the right place, and that someday I can focus on the moment instead of the future.

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This entry was published on March 7, 2013 at 1:38 AM. It’s filed under Awkward Moments, Diary of a Mad Asian Woman, Life and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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